Days Gone By

Well, I certainly thought I would be better at this and I truely do want to be, in fact that is the theme of this post tonight.
Avery is now 10 weeks, I can't beleive that, but I am acting like I should be a pro at this (managing my kids, my house, and myself.) I know we are still adjusting but why do I think there should be a steady flow of life right now? Why do I get so frustrated when there seems to be disorder around me? Someone looking in on the outside would probably think that I'm doing a pretty good job. I was asking myself these questions today and its funny how you can't escape being honest with yourself. I try to keep things perfect and all together because you know what, I deep down do want to be perfect. I realized that yes I do want perfection in myself. I aspire to have order and like the feeling of accomplishing tasks with ease. I don't in others, in fact I find that I am truely forgiving and accepting of others and am drawn to those who are honest with themselves. I find that I think of others through out the day and pray for those who are having a hard time. The truth and the problem is I just want control and that is just flat out sin. It is exactly what sent Adam and Eve out of the garden and what we (me) continue to struggle with today. It is nothing short of just wanting to be God and control what we do and what we feel. Even knowing this I still struggle with it. Thankfully it is our Lord that truely is in control and that He loves us inspite of ourselves. I wish I was so good at relaxing and enjoying my children and husband and shrug off the fact that the laundry isn't done, the kitchen isn't totally clean, the playroom is a mess, I didn't put on my make up today and pick up the house for my husband before he got home (isn't that silly), but I'm not. All I can say is that I am so thankful that the Lord chose me, that He forgives me and that tomorrow is another day of sanctifying.
This is my favorite verse: "He is before all things and in Him, all things hold together." Colossians 1:17
There is my problem, I am trying to hold things together outside of Him.
Sorry for going on and on, it seems you got trapped in my thoughts tonight. Thanks goodness for prayer!